it's ch-ch-chilly

Um, burrrrr......very cold in my non-insulated 1940's home today! Frost bite has set in.....

I broke down and purchased a "bundle" from Charter that provides us with internet, home phone, and cable sevices. Previously, we just had the internet and now we only pay $17 more to have all three. But, I can already see this is going to be a problem because I could sit in front of the t.v. for hours and not even know how long it has been. I don't even watch t.v. that much. Seems like when it is available I have to watch. You see, for the last year we have had bunny ears. ABC came in the best. The other channels were pretty fuzzy. Scott had to rearrage the antanea each time we changed stations. So, we got used to shows on certain stations because we were too lazy to get up every hour. With the new t.v. changes happening in February, we decided to go ahead and get it now. So today as I was lying on the couch being sickly, I decided to catch up on A Baby Story which I hadn't seen in over a year. Wow, is all I can say. One girl said "C-Section is the only way to go". Seriously??!? Her baby ended up in the NICU for eleven days with fluid in his lungs from not being birthed vaginally. Apparently the vaginal birth would have forced fluid out of the lungs. Can you imagine the bonding that was lost between mother and baby? Ok, I will get off my soap box. But, as a doula, this is good to know. The previous show was a delivery in NYC. Pretty standard, medicated hospital birth. Funny thing was that later this afternoon Scott and I watched a movie I had ordered called The Business of Being Born. One of the doctors that was at the NYC birth on The Baby Story today was on that movie. Great movie by the way. Rent it if you are going to ever have kids someday.

Last night I was catching up with Nathan online. Somehow, now sure how, the subject of nursing/breastfeeding came up. He was actually interested which I thought pretty cool since most teens, especially boys, would want anything to do with that kind of conversation. I think it is really cool to have younger brothers that I can be an influence on for their future. Someday he will get married and have kids and hopefully have a lot more understanding for things like that than most guys. I told him I would love to chat with his wife someday when it comes to that. Seems so far away. Thank goodness he has two older sisters to keep him in check. ;)

It saddens my heart, but I think that my days of being a massage therapist are becoming very limited. Last year in December I started developing wrist pain in my left wrist. It has continually gotten worse and now my right one bothers me. The kind of deep work that I do will not allow me to continue. I have had to cancel several appointments in the past few weeks. I looks like I may need to limit myself to prenatal massage which is not as taxing on my joints. Just need prayer please. This has really gotten me very down. It was my main source of income and has really kept us afloat since being married.

I have been fortunate to have picked up some doula business and hope to pursue it seriously in the coming year as I finish my certification. I have been networking and making connections in addition to putting together some marketing tools and reading all I can. The most difficult thing I struggle with is not have the birth experience of my own. I cannot relate to the pain, nor can I fully understand the true nature of breastfeeding. Part of me knows that I really can help women and part of me is wondering what in the world have I gotten myself into? But, soon enough I will have all that.

Thanks for listening to me this evening. My heart feels like it is wide open and I just put it all out there. Thanks for your prayers. Love and Hugs to all! :)