cake and icing

Today was the icing on the cake of "why mes?"

Let me start out with the cake and then I will get to the icing.

CAKE.

Why did I lose my first baby and a fallopian tube?

Why did I have to bleed in the first trimester of pregnancy and have to get shots of progesterone and progesterone suppositories?

Why did I get PUPPPs when only 1% of pregnant women get it?

Why do I have a sacralization in my spine that made my labor and birth so difficult?

Why did I get a third degree tear?

Why was my baby born with a two vessel cord?

Why did I get a hematoma on my perineum that I am just now getting over 10 and a half weeks later?

And the ICING....

Why, when I am exclusively breastfeeding on demand, do I have my period already!!!!???? One month after he was born I started (something), then 28 days later...again. Today was my very first pap smear. Sorry if this is TMI....but I actually took a look at my cervix and low and behold...there was fertile cervical fluid. Thank goodness I am very familiar with natural family planning because if not, I just might have wound up with another baby next year. The thought totally freaks me out.

So there you have it.

What is a girl to do?

Apparently I need to know a lot of things to become the person I am supposed to be. I guess God knew that I could handle all this stuff and that those who are going through it just might find their way to me. I am not an expert by any means, but I am a mom who has gone through a lot of things just so I can see this cute little face every day.

hungry and broke

Not us, thankfully.

Ironically, on the way home from the grocery store where I had just finished buying groceries that we could finally afford, I passed a guy standing on the corner holding a sign that read "hungry and broke." It got me thinking, how does someone get to such a desperate point to where they feel they have no other option but to stand on the street corner and beg? I wonder why they are spending their time begging rather than looking for a job? Are they ineligible for a job? Have they been in jail? Can they not keep a job? Who knows? But, I thought about giving this guy some food out of the grocery bag sitting on the seat next to me, but I was in the middle lane and decided not to yell across the busy street to give him food. I don't give beggars money because I saw an interesting thing once, but food or water I don't mind sharing.

That interesting thing I saw was this.

I had been downtown trying to meet some friends at the train station to head out for an evening in Dallas a couple of years ago. I got a bit lost so I stopped in a gas station to ask for directions. There was a lady in there buying beer. About a week later Scott and I went downtown to an art show and I saw the same lady holding a sign asking for money. So, that is why I don't trust beggars anymore. One lady ruined it for them all. It just makes me sad though. I am so thankful to know that if we were ever starting to get to that point, we have family that would graciously help us out. So that was that.

The weekends go by way too fast. We went from seeing Daddy all day every day to him working 50+ hours a week. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful. We are paying off so many things. But, we miss Daddy when he works his pizza delivery job in the evenings. Saturday morning we went to breakfast for my birthday and then we went to a birth fair. I had to represent the Tarrant Co. Birth Network for two hours at our booth. When we got home we all crashed out. Little Bubs slept from 4:30pm to 7:30am (with three feeding in between of course). I think we are on the same path today. He has been sleeping since 3:30 this afternoon. It is currently 7:30pm. I think he must be going through a growth spurt because he doesn't usually sleep like this. But, I am not a rigid scheduler and feel that if he needs this sleep then he should have it. I am not about to wake him. I was a bit worried that last night he wouldn't sleep through the night, but he did. I am hoping he will sleep tonight too.

Little Bubs was dedicated at church today. And, being the amazing mother that I am, I hope this will forever be captured in our memory since I forgot the camera. He sure looked cute in his "little" (6-9 month) overall outfit. He was such a good boy and so well behaved too. I think every mother who takes her child to the front of the church on a Sunday dreads an outburst. But that, thankfully, did not happen to us. I hope and pray God will give us the strength and wisdom to be good parents and raise him to be a good young man. When I look at him my heart swells. He chose us to be his parents and I feel a lot of responsibility to care for and raise him well.

Inquiring minds want to know....who do you think he looks like? When we look at him we see a blend of both of us. What do you think?And, yes another video of baby babble. He has been talking so much lately and I love to capture it on camera. Mostly for the family who can't be here to watch him grow but also for us as I know that he will be all grown up before we know it.

a 30 year old mommy

So, what does a mommy do on her 30th birthday? Go to the fabric store. But, I am reminded that, yes, I am a mommy and even on my birthday, my baby still needs me all. day. long. But, just as I was taking my final browse around the store to pick up needles and bobbins, baby started to get the fussies. I knew that waiting until we got home was not an option. I wandered to the back of the store to find a quiet corner to nurse him on the floor. Just as he was finishing up, I looked up to see we had planted ourselves directly underneath the a security camera. Yes, I flashed my boob to the employees at JoAnns....nice. Well, my baby was satisfied with his little snack, so it was all worth it I suppose.

A sound morning sleep. I love to snuggle next to him in the mornings.

Happy little guy.

babies

In September I am starting back to work 2 days a week. I am a little apprehensive about the whole situation. I will be working half days and he will stay with my mother-in-law and my husband. I couldn't have asked for better care for him if it can't be me. But, there is still the issue of leaving him. I have spent all day every day with him since he has been born. No one knows him like I do. I have so many mixed feelings about the return. On one hand I am happy and excited to return to my clients and on the other I am just not ready to leave him. He seems so little still.

Two weeks ago he weighed nearly 13 lbs. He is getting pretty hefty....not my itty bitty baby anymore. I hold him close every second I can. It won't be long before he won't want to he held tight.

We are getting cute smiles and when he sleeps he laughs out loud. My friend said he is remembering where he came from. I'll go with that.
Scott found a poor, hot baby squirrel when he was watering the flowers the other night. It was still there the next morning, but by the afternoon it was gone. I hope it made it. It sure was hot out last week.

shoes, adjustments, and chats

I've been a shoe making fool!

Getting an adjustment. He always sleeps so well after his adjustments from Rachel. We love her!

Early morning chats.

jealousy

My husband and son have the cutest most wonderful chats with each other and I am jealous. Today was the first day that Little Bubs really started talking to me too. I know he was getting so used to Daddy being around all the time and then we went to Colorado and the day after he and I got back from being gone from Daddy for so long, Daddy started his new job. His eyes get really big and he gets the cutest grins when Daddy comes home from work and they sit and visit.

Lost the paci at nap time, but was very excited to find his finger to suck instead. It sufficed.

I can make dinner while he sleeps, although it takes me twice the time. But, at least he is happy and content close to Mommy.He loves bath time!

firsts

Today is our anniversary! Four years to be exact. It is our first year to be married with a baby which means we won't be having a romantic date out. We will, however, be spending some family time together this weekend and I am very much looking forward to it.

This week was Scott's first week at his new job and boy are we excited around here. I will admit that it has been an adjustment to take care of a baby on my own all day, but we are getting into a routine. I have learned to be very efficient in getting things done as he sleeps during the day. It is also nice to be eating dinner at a decent time. When Scott worked at the gym, he wouldn't get home until late and we would finish up dinner close to 9pm. Now were a finished with dinner and having family time and almost getting ready for bed by 9pm.

This is Little Bub's first picture with Papa.

The first piano lesson from Mama.

Uncle Daniel got a first picture with Little Bubs. (Someone thought they were brothers. Haha, they definitely could be - they are only 12 years apart.) Daniel is such a good uncle. He would rush to his side if he cried or fussed at all. Little Bubs just smiles and coos at Daniel. It sure is sweet.

The first long car ride. Ten hours on the road. He did amazing. He fussed about the last 20 minutes from home. I kept him occupied by whistling to him. He like that.

Definitely the first time he has been freezing cold in the 49 degree Colorado morning air.

First time to visit the mountains in Colorado.

Mama and Daniel gave Bubs his first lesson in playing cards.First pair of shades. Looking pretty rad.

This was his first train ride and he sure did love it.

The first time Mommy takes a shower while Bubs is awake. What is a mommy to do? Well, put him in the bouncy chair right next to the shower of course!

father/son time

Scott started his new job this week and he loves it! But, he is gone all day and when he returns he can't wait to spend time with little Bubs. It is so cute to watch them together. He sure loves his son and he sure loves his daddy.

my hair

What can I say? I have been blessed with beautiful, naturally blond hair. Every time I go in for a hair cut, I get comments on how lucky I am. I am not going to lie, I do feel very lucky that I am not spending hundreds of dollars to keep up this look as many women have to.

But, since getting pregnant and having a baby, my hair is getting darker. My roots are dark blond not the light that I am used to. I am kind of freaking out about this. Will it every go back? I doubt.

I am not much into considering dying or highlighting my hair, being kind of a naturalist myself. Honey blond isn't so bad I suppose...ho hum.

Then there is the dilemma of what to do with my style. I have always had shorter hair. Prenatal vitamins helped my hair grow fast. I kind of like it grown out a bit, but I am a mom now. Do I have to get a "mom haircut"? What is a mom haircut anyway? It is easier for me to fix longer hair than shorter hair. Shorter hair requires a style and a fix every day. Long hair can be pulled back and thrown up in a flash. And, I can even kind of make it look semi-cute in a matter of a couple of minutes. Before baby I used to take the time to curl my hair. Bah ha ha, that hasn't happened in weeks. Wish I had time to do it, I think it is a cute look.

Then there is the bang issue. I tried the no-bang look and I have such a large forehead that it wasn't a flattering look for me. And, I have a huge cowlick right smack in the middle of my bangs. It makes it challenging to style at times. Bangs it is for now.

I recently spent $16 to get a trim that I am not pleased with from a new girl rather than spending my usual $60. I get my hair trimmed about every 5-6 months. Maybe I should have justified spending the money to go to my normal girl that I love. Now I have to spend the $60 for her to fix it. Wow, a $76 haircut.

I am still thinking on this one.

and...he sleeps

Since the "freak out" on Tuesday, Eli has been getting plenty of rest. My friend, Lori, advised me that kids can physically hurt when they don't get enough sleep. Yes, this is true I discovered. So, with that incident behind us, I was not going to allow this to happen again. I am usually pretty good at tuning into his needs and feeding him and putting him down to sleep when he shows signs of needing this. But, vacation has messed that up. Yesterday I decided that even if we are on the go, I am going to pay attention to the signs better. He sleeps well in the sling. If I need to go off into a corner and get him to sleep before continuing out and about, well, that is what I am going to do. Nap time is a must. As I write this, he has been sleeping for four hours. He has been playing catch up since Tuesday, poor little fellow.

Today we went to a craft shop to paint pottery. He slept in the sling and I painted him a piggy bank. Well, it was more like a jar to collect money. A rainy day fund I have decided. It is going to be so cute and it matches his room. That is one nice thing about babywearing. Kids love it. Moms love it. And, it can be hands free.

It has been a rather relaxing vacation, but I can tell Eli misses Daddy. He was fussy yesterday and we put Daddy on the phone and let him talk to Eli and he got real quiet. I believe that some of his routine has been thrown off by the absence of his Daddy. I miss him too and am anxious to get back home. It will be a different dynamic now that he has gone from working 15 hours a week to working 60. But, we will have to get used to this new schedule and Daddy not being around as much, which ultimately I am so thankful for.

I am not big on schedules these days. How can you be when you have a baby that you feed and tend to on cue? But, I have decided to start planning my weeks out for cleaning and cooking. I have always wanted to do this but just haven't. Monday through Friday I will have a cleaning list of what to do each day so I am not loading up on all the chores in one day. And, I will make meal plans for dinner and shop for the groceries at the beginning of the week. I bet some of you are reading this and thinking "duh, that is what we do", but I am a procrastinator when it comes to things like this. This may be a new adjustment for me since I am used to working full time and just caring for just two of us. We were used to making our own schedule and doing things as we felt like it. Adding a baby sure changes things. Being a stay at home mom is going to be an adjustment too. I plan to work two half days a week starting in September, but thankfully because of Scott's new job, I can stay home with Eli and love him all day long.

Can't wait to share some pictures of our vacation when we return home this weekend!

happy camper

Well, we aren't camping here in Colorado, but I sure and one happy camper anyway. Scott got a job! He will be working for a company called WallBuilders in Aledo, TX about 20 minutes from our home. I am not really sure of all the details that this job entails, but I do know that it does have benefits and it is 40 hours a week with great pay. He starts next week and we are all so thrilled! He has decided to also keep his pizza delivery job on the side for now to make a little extra money so we can catch up.

Eli is a bit out of his element here in Colorado. The weather is 70 degrees not 100 and the altitude is a bit high for him. But, he has done fairly well. It is hard to travel without a baby because your routine gets a bit off, but with a baby it gets even trickier. Today his naps between 7:45am and 7:45pm totaled about one hour. This was a set up for a disaster around 6:00pm when he had a total freak out. I thought he was seriously injured or in critical pain the way he was crying. For about 15 minutes I wasn't sure what to do with my son who was crying like I had never heard. I quickly slung him up close to me and took him outside and within a matter of seconds he was zonked. I ate dinner wearing him and then tried to lay him down and he woke. I laid down with him for about 20 minutes to try to get him back to sleep to no avail. I brought him out on the sofa and he still would not sleep. So, when mom turned on the ancient cabin dishwasher that sounds like it could take off any moment he passed out again. Guess he needed some background noise to lull him to sleep. Hope tomorrow is a better day for the little guy.

On a side note, he has dirt under his finger nails. Why? I guess I really should be asking myself why I have let his fingernails get to the length that dirt can get under them. Where is dirt coming from anyway?

mountain air for mommy

I am overwhelmed. I am tired. I am ready for a big change.

I am a new mom. I am not sleeping. I am lucky to have a shower by noon.

Last week I put my shirt on backwards...TWICE. I am not sure exactly what happened to my body (I try not to look down too much).

Since my last (depressing) post, I decided I needed a mommy/wife time out. Every summer since I was six years old, my family has taken a trip to Colorado. I haven't been since being married. Scott and I have always had to work and haven't really had the money to go along. My parents were getting ready to head out to Colorado on Thursday. Tuesday night Scott and I had a really depressing discussion about the job status and our "situation". Wednesday morning I woke up and felt like I needed to get away for a while. I called Mom and she and Dad said it would be okay for Eli to tag along to Colorado. I frantically packed us up and we left on the 5:25pm train to OKC and then Dad picked us up. We left the next afternoon for VACATION. I am thankful for a much needed break.

We stopped in Atwood, KS on the way out. My dad grew up in Atwood. He and his sisters bought the house they grew up in and it sits vacant for passers by to rent out as needed. We stayed there for two nights. On Saturday morning I needed some things. Mind you, Atwood it a tiny town. You can see downtown from the front porch of my dad's childhood house on Main Street and the high school is 100 feet from the front door. So, Daniel and I (and Eli in the Moby) took the two and a half block trek downtown. We passed the library, and the insurance agency that had a sign on the door saying "We will be closed Aug. 2nd and 3rd to move our boys to college", the hardware store, and the bank on our way to Duckwalls. Duckwalls is the "Hometown Variety Store"....sort of like Wal-Mart, although they didn't have the fabric I was looking for. It is quite a different feel from the big city. Even the town I grew up in is quaint and quiet compared to where we live. It was a nice stop on our way up the hill.

Now I am sitting in a cabin in the mountains breathing in 60 degree, crisp mountain air and feeling very relaxed and carefree at the moment. Eli did very well on the trip. I was nervous that his ears would bother him with the altitude change. But, thankfully, he did so well. We stopped at Whole Foods in Denver for some groceries and dinner on the way up. Although we have one about 20 minutes from our house, I rarely go...not sure why...probably because I would spend a fortune. Love that store!

AND......

It also helps that Scott got a call last Wednesday for an interview on Thursday morning with a business that will offer him a full time job with benefits! So with those two things going, I am a happy, refreshed mommy and wife. He has a second interview with the company owner tomorrow and unless he totally bombs it, he will start a new job very soon. This is huge and is a definite answer to the prayers I know many of you have been saying for us.

Here's to a totally relaxing week and a much needed break from the stresses of life right now. We are missing Daddy, but Eli wrote him a post card tonight when we arrived. Maybe next year for our family.