Dear Baby,
It's your mom here. It has been a year since I found out about you and lost you all in the same hazy moment. I think about you all the time. I am thankful for your short presence because it truly did change me. I know that sounds so cliche, but it did. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if you had decided to really come and live in this world. I tease you that you wanted to be big and muscly like your daddy and that is why you didn't make it all the way down the tube. That gives us a bit of comic relief. But, if you were here, I wonder what you would look like. Were you going to be a boy or a girl? What would your personality be like? All these things I want to know about you.
When I say I think about you all the time, I really do. I know your time here inside of me had a purpose. You weren't meant to make it and sometimes I wonder why? I kind of know better, but still I ask why? God placed you inside of me for a reason and I guess I don't need to know all the whys right this moment. I know enough.
We really want you back though. I take it a lot harder than your daddy does. I wonder when I will see you again. Will you come back or will it be another? I try and tell myself not to take the tests...that I am only setting myself up for disappointment when they only have one line instead of two. Sometimes I beat myself up and wish I had been a more observant mother. If I had, then my tube would not have gone with you, or maybe it still would have, I don't know. Saying or thinking that won't change what is though.
So, baby, I want you to know that we are waiting for you. You are very much anticipated and being prayed for constantly. I will be a good mommy and your daddy is amazing. We can't wait to meet you. I know that you are waiting for just the perfect moment and that is really okay. We will do our best to be wait patiently. I will try not to cry the tears of sorrow any longer. It makes your daddy sad when I cry for you. You just come when you are ready.
I love you baby.
Love,
Mom
Iceland
1 year ago
Posts
6 comments:
I am so behind in commenting on your blog...but I had to give you a giant cyber hug, filled with tears, and tell you that I am praying that you are blessed with two pink lines sooner rather than later. You are going to make the best mom. I love you.
Oh, thank you! I love cyber hugs!!!
Oh Hannah, your post makes me wanna cry! You will be such a great mom; and he/she will be lucky to have YOU as a mom! Keep up the good spirits...God has a plan. But you know that already :)
Bless you.
Yes, I'm so familiar with this blog post. It's good for you to write your feelings down. They are real, and heartfelt. All you can do is keep going about your business and pray.
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